Chapters 5-8
- Claudia Valdez
- May 14, 2023
- 2 min read
May 14th, 2023
In these chapters, I have stopped feeling identified with Esther. Instead, I have started to observe her not just as a reader, but as a friend who is empathetic to her. She is a young girl with conflicted feelings for boys. First, she is excited about getting closer to Buddy Willard, only to feel disappointed, bored even, after interacting with him. When he admits he had slept with someone before, she resents him for keeping a pure reputation and describes him as a hypocrite. She sees the world divided into those who had slept with someone and those who had not. She sees sex as a competition, and she is determined to one-up Buddy after his confession.
"The trouble was, I had been inadequate all along, I simply hadn't thought about it"
Esther is clearly showing some depression symptoms, I pity her because, at that time, mental health was not as relevant as it is now. She mentions that she has not felt happy since she was 9 before her father died. She compares herself to other girls and realizes she feels dreadfully inadequate. She also diminishes her intelligence by saying: "The one thing I was good at was winning scholarships and prizes". She thinks she is running out of time to choose her life path. On the one hand, I believe it’s somewhat normal to feel lost and like you are wasting your time at that age. Mexican movie director Guillermo del Toro once said “Young people are at the exact age of despair. I never felt more worn out and older than when I was in my twenties. I used to say, 'my life has passed and I haven't done anything'.” On the other hand, I believe it is groundbreaking for a woman to be stating that marriage and motherhood are definitely NOT something to pursue in life, at such a young age as 19, in the 20th century.
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